Life of Smiley

Receptionist: How do you write women so well? Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability. - As Good as It Gets I love that line. Is it sexist and derogatory? Of course. Is it a sweeping generalization? Absolutely. Is it true? The prosecutor in the Duke rape case, District Attorney Mike Nifong, is currently under fire for making inappropriate public statements regarding the case. "Probably an exotic dancer would not be your first choice for unprotected sex." "The guilty will stand trial." More Quotes from N.C. State Bar complaint against Nifong Prosecutorial Indescretion Of all the strange, shoot-self-in-foot statements from Durham, N.C., District Attorney Mike Nifong in the last few days--and there are so many--one stands out. In explaining why he is continuing to prosecute three former Duke lacrosse players on kidnapping and sexual offense charges--despite dropping rape charges--Nifong told the New York Times, "If she say...

And you thought Texas was eager to execute people . Saddam Hussein Set to Die by Sunday WASHINGTON, DC -- U.S. Military and U.S. Intelligence leaders have told NBC News former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein could be executed by Sunday. NBC News reports the U.S. Military has received a formal request to transfer Saddam to Iraqi authorities. It's one of the last steps required before Saddam's execution by hanging. U.S. Intelligence leaders tell NBC News the execution is expected to occur by Sunday, possibly as early as Friday. Saddam received the death sentence for the murders of 148 Shiites in the northern city of Dujail.

Trump Tells Miss USA “You’re not fired.” Miss USA, Tara Conner, will keep her crown and title. Conner has come under fire in recent weeks for allegedly partying, underage drinking, failing a drug test and making out with her roommate, Miss Teen USA. Who's complaining? --- UPDATE --- Miss Nevada USA loses shirt then title Miss Nevada USA was stripped of her title Thursday after racy photos of her appeared on the Internet, pageant officials said. Some of the photos show Katie Rees, 22, kissing other young women, exposing one of her breasts and pulling down her pants to show her thong underwear at a party in Tampa, Fla.

Romney's '94 remarks on same-sex marriage could haunt him "People of integrity don't force their beliefs on others, they make sure that others can live by different beliefs they may have," Romney is quoted as saying. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I can see why the Republicans are having second thoughts about this maniac.

'Raymond' dad Peter Boyle dies in NYC "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose" is one of my favorite X-Files. I hadn't realized he won an Emmy for that episode. Another great character actor passes on.

Police Collect Bullet-Proof Vests For Soldiers The local news is reporting this as a feel-good story about cops pitching in to support our troops. But you know what? This isn't a feel-good story, it's a goddamn embarrassment. We call ourselves the world's only superpower. We've allocated well over $300 billion to the war in Iraq. And we rely on donated vests to protect our soldiers?! This is what I've been talking about . Supporting our troops doesn't necessarily mean supporting our government. In this case, it's the exact opposite.

The Supreme Court melts down over greenhouse gasses. Scalia observes that there is a difference between an "air pollutant" and a "stratospheric pollutant." Milkey interrupts: "Respectfully, Your Honor. It is not the stratosphere. It's the troposphere." Scalia shoots back that he's not a scientist, laughing, "That's why I don't want to have to deal with global warming, to tell you the truth." Nice. Dude, you have nine children ! I looked it up.

Unfortunately, not enough other people like The Nine . What the hell else are people doing Wednesday night at 10? If you're having sex or reading a book, that's cool, but if you've been watching something other than the Nine I want to talk to you. Oh, apparently you're watching CSI:NY, currently rated #9 (ouch). Well, I guess that's okay. I like Gary Sinise, I've just never gotten into that show. The writing on all those CSIs is pedestrian at best. You know what's really unforgiveable? CSI:Miami is #2! Unless 18.5 million of you are watching for the unintentional comedy of David Caruso's "I'm not a good actor but it's okay because I'm aware of it" performance, you're all on notice. (I know I don't have 18.5 million readers but it's okay because I'm aware of it.) The same thing happened with Over There last season. A timely, well-written and -acted drama about the war in Iraq, it was cancelled after one seas...

What do you do if you're the world's worst director? You challenge your critics to a boxing match . How Uwe Boll fulfilled every filmmaker's deepest fantasy.

Oh, look who's suddenly back in the news ! I guess we're "lucky" to have even this low-quality video record of the event, but I wish it were better. I think the patrons showed remarkable restraint. In a different part of town I'm not sure Kramer would have made it out of there in one piece. They say no publicity is bad publicity. In Richards' case, I don't see how this helps but I guess it couldn't hurt. In Gibsons's case, I think he just confirmed that he wasn't acting crazy in those Lethal Weapon movies. They also say these things come in threes. Or at least that's what the radio DJ said this morning on my way to work. Anyone care to predict who will be next? "That's hot"

With giant Saturn hanging in the blackness and sheltering Cassini from the sun's blinding glare, the spacecraft viewed the rings as never before, revealing previously unknown faint rings and even glimpsing its home world. This marvelous panoramic view was created by combining a total of 165 images taken by the Cassini wide-angle camera over nearly three hours on Sept. 15, 2006. The full mosaic consists of three rows of nine wide-angle camera footprints; only a portion of the full mosaic is shown here. Color in the view was created by digitally compositing ultraviolet, infrared and clear filter images and was then adjusted to resemble natural color. The mosaic images were acquired as the spacecraft drifted in the darkness of Saturn's shadow for about 12 hours, allowing a multitude of unique observations of the microscopic particles that compose Saturn's faint rings. The narrowly confined G ring is easily seen here, outside the bright main rings. Encircling the entire system ...

So...why don't I have to show identification to vote? I could walk in there with a phone book at 7 am and cast a dozen ballots easily. There's no line. Not that I would, but I could. It's such an obvious loophole that could be so easily fixed, I don't understand why it exists. I'm a six-year-old. Explain.

It has been brought to my attention that, for better or worse, the most important issue to me in this election may just be Ballot Question 1 , concerning the sale of wine in grocery stores. The Prizblog invokes the classic argument about the benefits of a free market economy in lobbying for a Yes vote. The Bomber raises a more practical concern as reason to vote No. But as I visited my neighborhood liquor store today to stock up before the games, a third argument occurred to me. Today's loss leader was Bud and Bud Light 30-packs for $19.99. A tempting offer, but there was never a real chance I would be swayed from my old standby Miller Lite. And yet, as I pondered just how much more I would be willing to pay for my preferred brand of cheap domestic beer, I began to wonder about the economic repercussions of voting Yes on 1. Suppose this legislation passes and more grocery stores begin selling wine. The expectation is that they will be able to sell it for less, forcing liq...

The Crusade Against Religion It's an interesting article on atheism; If you don't have time to read all eight pages, here are a few choice excerpts: At dinner parties or over drinks, I ask people to declare themselves. "Who here is an atheist?" I ask. Usually, the first response is silence, accompanied by glances all around in the hope that somebody else will speak first. Then, after a moment, somebody does, almost always a man, almost always with a defiant smile and a tone of enthusiasm. He says happily, "I am!" But it is the next comment that is telling. Somebody turns to him and says: "You would be." "Why?" "Because you enjoy pissing people off." "Well, that's true." This type of conversation takes place not in central Ohio, where I was born, or in Utah, where I was a teenager, but on the West Coast, among technical and scientific people, possibly the social group that is least likely among all Americans to be r...

Weird Al's still got it. It being the weirdness.

Only integrity is revealed He has already sat down with his 6-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son and explained that their daddy might be going to jail. This is the part that cuts hardest at San Francisco Chronicle reporter Mark Fainaru-Wada, but he has pledged to endure it to preserve the integrity of his work. "Yes, the family issue clearly has been the most difficult part of all of this," said Fainaru-Wada, who along with fellow Chronicle reporter Lance Williams faces up to 18 months in jail for refusing to give up the sources that leaked them grand jury testimony in the Barry Bonds/BALCO case, information they used to write some of the most significant stories the sport has ever seen and the best-selling book "Game of Shadows." "My wife and I did sit down with the kids," said Fainaru-Wada. "It was a very difficult conversation. We just tried to tell them that I made a promise that I felt was really important to keep and that I might have to go to...

Just in case you're still wondering whatever happened to Saturday Night Live, look no further than the opening credits. Did you ever notice how they would list the regular cast members and then say "featuring" before listing the rookies? That's because those rookies had yet to prove that they could contribute to making the show funny on a regular basis. On Saturday night there was no list of "featured" cast members. That's not because they've all proven themselves. With the possible exceptions of Darrell Hammond and Amy Poehler, none of them has. Here's the Comcast cable guide entry: "Dane Cook; the Killers", (2006), Dane Cook hosts and the Killers perform as the 32nd season premieres. Cast members include Darrell Hammond, Maya Rudolph, Seth Meyers, Amy Phoehler, Fred Armisen, Will Forte, Kenan Thompson, Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Andy Samberg and Kristen Wiig (Comedy). The original SNL cast called themselves the "Not Ready ...

Dear middle-aged woman behind the Dunkin' Donuts counter, I am legitimately concerned for your well-being. Do you have someone to take care of you? This morning I asked you for a medium mocha Coolata with no whip cream. You nodded confidently and went off to work. Moments later you returned with a cup of dark brown sludge and asked if I would like anything else. Now, I don't like to tell other people how to do their jobs, but I wasn't about to buy that, so I told you that it didn't look right to me. In hindsight, I should have tried to explain that a mocha Coolata contains both syrup and coffee. I was hoping you would ask one of your colleagues for direction. Anyway I wouldn't know how to tell you the exact recipe. That's not my job. You mumbled something about me not wanting syrup, and then hurried off again. I figured you might be able to make a regular Coolata, so I let it go. Disturbingly, your next attempt was clear . Do you even realize that yo...

Back in February I wondered about the efficacy of these "above the influence" ads. If You Can't Get Them to Stop Using Drugs, at Least You Can Get Them to Make Fun of You A Government Accountability Office report on research tracking the impact of the federal government's $1.2 billion anti-drug ad campaign concludes that "the evaluation provides credible evidence that the campaign was not effective in reducing youth drug use...." In fact, during some periods and for some subgroups, exposure to the ads was significantly associated with an increased tendency to smoke pot. With the Bush Administration focused on the war on terror, it's good to see they haven't forgotten about financing the war on drugs.