I think I've found your problem

Just in case you're still wondering whatever happened to Saturday Night Live, look no further than the opening credits. Did you ever notice how they would list the regular cast members and then say "featuring" before listing the rookies? That's because those rookies had yet to prove that they could contribute to making the show funny on a regular basis. On Saturday night there was no list of "featured" cast members. That's not because they've all proven themselves. With the possible exceptions of Darrell Hammond and Amy Poehler, none of them has.

Here's the Comcast cable guide entry:

"Dane Cook; the Killers", (2006), Dane Cook hosts and the Killers perform as the 32nd season premieres. Cast members include Darrell Hammond, Maya Rudolph, Seth Meyers, Amy Phoehler, Fred Armisen, Will Forte, Kenan Thompson, Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Andy Samberg and Kristen Wiig (Comedy).

The original SNL cast called themselves the "Not Ready for Prime Time Players." The implication of course was that most of them were destined for greater things. Take another look at that list of current cast members. Not one of them will ever be ready for prime time. What is Lorne Michaels doing? Is Will Farrell the last of a dying breed?

Lorne did invite a comedian to host the season premiere, so it seems like he wants the show to be funny. Dane Cook may be obnoxious but at least he's trying to make the audience laugh. The rest of the cast looks like their car just broke down in the wrong part of town.

The show opens with the de rigueur political satire skit, but the jokes fall mostly flat. Will Forte as President Bush cannot compare to Will Farrell. That's not his fault, that's just how it is. But the next skit is actually funny. Making fun of the inane airport security rules is always good for a few laughs ("It's funny because it's true"). While Forte can't do a convincing Bush impression, playing a creepy weirdo comes naturally.

TSA instructor: We have loosened some of the restrictions; you can now carry up to 3 oz. of fluids or gels with you on the plane....

TSA trainee: Why 3 oz?

Instructor: We have determined that 3 oz. of liquid explosives is not enough to blow up the plane.

Kenan Thompson, as trainee: But 4 oz. is enough...?

Poehler, as trainee: What if I only carried 3 oz. of explosive with me, but secretly arranged to meet up with someone else on the plane so we could combine our explosives to make more than 3 oz?

Instructor #1: You want to handle this one?

Instructor #2: No!

Forte, as trainee: What if I'm not carrying 3 oz. of fluid, but I'm confident I can produce 3 oz. once I'm on the plane?

Instructor: You would produce 3 oz. of fluid?

Forte: Or a gel.

The next skit features Fred Armisen playing Hugo Chavez hosting his own talk show on Venezuela's only television channel. It's a funny concept, but again the execution falls flat. Note to Fred: if all your characters are essentially the same parody of a wacky emcee on Telemundo, maybe you should go work for Telemundo. On a side note, my 6-month-old son thinks you're hilarious, so you've got that going for you. Note to Hammond: you're not fooling anyone. Your "impression" of Pervez Musharraf is basically a toned-down version of your Ahnold impression without the gap-tooth makeup. It might be time to think about retirement.

Next up is a digital short entitled "Cubicle Fight." This is some creative comedy, and I would actually like to see more along these lines. You might have heard of a little video called "Lazy Sunday," arguably the funniest thing to come out of SNL in some time. If they can't be funny live, they can at least throw some canned funny into the mix.

I think Bill Hader was hired solely for his spot-on impression of Al Pacino. That's fine, but use him for something more ambitious than "Al Pacino checks his bank balance." That's sort of funny in a stupid way, but mostly it's just stupid. Which brings up an important point: the actors are only half of the equation. The writers deserve equal credit for sucking. With Tina Fey moving to 30 Rock, I'm afraid the SNL writing team now consists entirely of the CareerBuilder monkeys.

On the plus side, Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler have a good chemistry together on Weekend Update. That could work, if only they could think of funny stuff to say about the news. The Brian Williams cameo was also a good idea. They should do more cameos. At this point cachet is about all SNL's got left over shows like MadTV.

The comedy always goes downhill after the Update, and this week the drop is precipitous. The next skit involves a couple of Poland Spring delivery guys who are drinking all the profits. At the end of the skit the guys joke that SNL should use what just happened to them as a skit, but "only the funny part, and that ended a long time ago." Guys, acknowledging that you're not funny doesn't make it okay. You're getting paid to be funny. What's up?

By the way, I like some of The Killers songs on the radio, but their lead singer is terrible in person. It's like really bad karoake. Maybe he's sick or something, I don't know. And what's up with Earl Hickey on drums?

The last skit begins with Amy Poehler being effortlessly goofy and amusing as Farrah Fawcet. As I hinted at the beginning, I think Poehler is one of the few bright lights in this cast, someone who can manage to make you laugh even when the material stinks. After taping a quick public service announcement, "Farrah" trips on over to another stage to join a skit involving a bar at closing time. This skit seems entirely appropriate, as Dane Cook kicks out one character after another. For most of the cast, it's time to go home.